So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize