hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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