i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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