I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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