Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
