Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just pee around me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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