Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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