Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
