so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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