dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
