she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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