Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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