There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
