She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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