I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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