I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
