I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
