just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
