I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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