Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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