I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
