Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
