dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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