I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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