Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
