the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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