My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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