Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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