i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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