how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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