I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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