Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
pop tarts are not kleenex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
