a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
