just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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