Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize