forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
