i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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