so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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