I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
