Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize