I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
