I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
