There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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