I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
