This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
