brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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