Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
