i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
