I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
