I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
