Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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