I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
