you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
