Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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