those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
