you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
