You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
