We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize