I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
