There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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