We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
