I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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