i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
