Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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