what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
BRING THE BAGELS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we should paint friendship bongs
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