She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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