i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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