yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
