really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
