Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize