I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
