My room smells like vodka and shame
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All the doctor said was why
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
