i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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