Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
