This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
